Updated March 6th 2004, Sydney Australia
 

 

OZ media. You have to be an Aussie, eh, MATE!
Back in 1989 when I dragged my young ass to Australia, the very first thing I did when I arrived in my hotel in Perth was, you guessed it, turn on the radio. I challenge any anorak to NOT do that when they arrive in a new country! Of course, there was no internet in 1989 so one could not listen to radio around the world as we do now.

Coming from Ireland-and indeed, Irish radio, I understood that you would never hear an Indian accent on the radio (unless it was Tony Allan doing a Nova promo for "Nova Bingo Bonanza" - remember that?), or a black newsreader on RTE! After all, the only people living in Ireland at the time were, well, the Irish. (Okay a few immigrants too).


Anyway, when I received a letter from the Australian Government to my dirty little flat in the East end of London, informing me I was allowed to go and live in Australia, they supplied a booklet with various (and hilarious!) notes on how to make my new home comfortable. They had a list of words Australians use, and what they mean! Like "dunny" means toilet. "snag" means sausage! "streuth" means wow! It was hilarious! They also informed me that Australia was inhabited by many many different cultures from all over the world. And its true. If you walk down Sydney's George street (one of the biggest streets in Sydney) you might well think you're in downtown kowloon. We also have a massive population of Chinese, who have been here since the gold mining in the 1800's. I digress.

So I switch on the radio in my hotel room in Perth and have a great time working out who's who in the zoo (as you do!). I checked out the TV and looked on in amazement as the programmes were interrupted by ads every 7 minutes! The ads. were fast and furious. I knew that in Britain there was a law that you had to have a quarter of a second between commercials, so as not to give the viewer a sense of "rush". Not to do this was considered as "visual pollution". Well, not around here, mateeeee! The ads were (and still are) played LOUDER than the programme. In the UK you have to be in Actors Equity to perform ads. on TV. Not around here, mateeee! Any ol' Bruce or Shiela can go on air and flog anything they like, from second hand cars to indian carpets! Talk about noise pollution! They would go on and just scream at you for their allocated 30 seconds. And they still do! There I go digressing again.


Self-confessed "ugliest man on radio" Doug Mulray was THE top dog on triple M breakfast in 1989. He may be ugly, but he's white!
I thought I'd try my hand at a bit of broadcasting here in my new country. Hell, I had worked on Irish radio for about ten years (and a very brief stint on BBC World Service). I applied to Triple M, 2DayFM, and all the commercial stations, sending them my rich Irish voice on tape. Not a word from them.
Back to 1989. It slowly occured to me that, despite this "multi-cultural" country, all I could hear on radio, or see on TV were "true-blue-Aussies". That is, Anglo-saxons with Aussie accents. Having lived in the UK, another "multi-cultural" country, I was used to good ol' Trevor reading the news on Channel four (I assume he still is???). Indeed, I was used to seeing people of many races on UK TV. So why not Australia?
The very cool and collected Trevor McDonald on Channel 4 news, UK

I called them up. "We'll call you". Anyway, I got this phone call from some dude in Triple M. Perhaps a job then? No, mateee! Why, eh, matey? So, he tells me "This is the story mate, you have an Irish accent". And...? "Well, mate, we don't want to isolate our audience". Excise me? "Its not our fault mate. You see, the advertisers have us by the balls. If we go putting forign accents on the air they won't advertise with us". So I said to him, look this country is full of immigrants. Did you know that since 1965 over 6 million people from 200 countries emmigrated to Australia? . "Huh? Look, I don't make the rules mate. Why don't you try SBS, they'll let anyone on there. Have a nice day". THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH, EH, MATEEEE!

The year is now 2004. Still no forign accents on commercial radio. And nothing but fake-tanned "aussies" on commercial TV. Gee, it's great living in a multi-cultural society. But you'd better go out and meet your fellow immigrants on the streets, 'cos you ain't gonna see them on the box! I decided to get into computers.

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Read previous radiohome pages:

ARCHIVE 11: REALITY BITES!
ARCHIVE 10: LETS NOT CRY OVER SPILT MILK - OR SHOULD WE?

ARCHIVE 9: Q10 WHO?
ARCHIVE 8:FREE RADIO CANNOT DIE. JAMES JOYCE NEVER DID!
ARCHIVE 7: IT'S ALL ABOUT QUALITY MY FRIENDS!
ARCHIVE 6: COMREG CLOSES PIRATES IN DUBLIN
ARCHIVE 5: MURDOCH: DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL
ARCHIVE 4: FALLING INTO THE PAST!
ARCHIVE 3:-PETER MADISON
ARCHIVE 2: PRE-SUPERPIRATES
ARCHIVE 1: BROADCASTING TO THE WORLD


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